Usually funny, sometimes not.
  Archives:
    2000 | 2001

today's quote:

d e c e m b e r   1 6 t h
"There are many people in this world and you should always ask out someone you are attracted to, because if you obsess about it, it becomes more important when it's not. What you're asking for is a chance, and if you're turned down, it's not the end of the world."
- Iris

d e c e m b e r   1 5 t h
"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your braaanches."
- The Vine Christmas Pageant

d e c e m b e r   1 4 t h
Ephraim: "What's the capital of Brazil?"
Ed: "Mex...[ico]."
- Ephraim and Ed, after One-Eighty

d e c e m b e r   1 3 t h
"Smark"
- word of the day (as in "I am smarker than you are.")
"Juliet... When we made love you used to cry/You'd say 'I love you like the stars above/Gonna love you till I die'/And there's a place for us/You know the movie song/When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong? Juliet..."
- Romeo and Juliet by the Brown Derbies (wow, good... like really wow.)

d e c e m b e r   1 2 t h
"Meltykiss"
- my new favorite chocolate candy

d e c e m b e r   1 1 t h
Homer: "Moe, I have a friend that has a problem."
Moe: "What's your friend's name?"
Homer: "umm...Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo?"
Moe: "Homer, that's the stupidest name I've ever heard."
(guy in Moe's runs out crying)
Barney: "Joey Joe Joe!!!"

- from The Simpsons

d e c e m b e r   1 0 t h
"Man, he has what it takes, except the guts.”
- Marianne Jhee, on Jeff (and we all agree)

d e c e m b e r   9 t h
"I have no quote for today. That sucks. I can't even think of one interesting thing."
- Me

d e c e m b e r   8 t h
"Wow... San Francisco."
- Lilo, Lilo & Stitch

d e c e m b e r   7 t h
"What was that one [praise song] that goes 'So I lift my hands in glory?'"
- Iris the Virus, making up her own lyrics

d e c e m b e r   7 t h
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks about changing himself."
- Leo Tolstoy

d e c e m b e r   6 t h
"You look hideous."
- Anjali, Star News Asia's anchor (so did she. :) )

d e c e m b e r   5 t h
"It's amazing what yahoo-ism can do to you."
- Jeff Jhee

d e c e m b e r   4 t h
"I've been lonely, I've been cheated, I've been misunderstood. I've been washed up, I've been put down, and told I'm no good. But with you I belong, 'cause you help me be strong. There's a change in my life... now that you came along."
- "Change in my Life," Rockapella version

d e c e m b e r   1 s t
"... self-affirmation... "
- word of the day, courtesy Sonya Koo

n o v e m b e r  9 t h
"Women are more likely than men to have sex with an intern at work, according to a Playboy magazine poll that also found that two-thirds of female respondents had slept with a co-worker."
- from Reuters

n o v e m b e r  9 t h
"Hurt people hurt people."
- Ned Davies

s e p t e m b e r   2 6 t h
"The women in Ohio just lose."
- Chris Miller

a u g u s t  2 4 t h
"It's contaminated."
- Abigail Breslin, Signs

a u g u s t  2 3 r d
"I...so...happy."
- Quina, FFIX, on marriage

a u g u s t  2 2 n d
"Take deep breaths."
- Prof. Angotti

a u g u s t  2 1 s t
"It's gettin' hot in here, so take of all your clothes. It is so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off."
- a song elementary pupils should not be chanting in the park playground

a u g u s t  2 0 t h
"Are you finished yet?"
- Olga Spilewsky (Answer: Not in the least)

a u g u s t  1 9 t h
"For the honor of love... By the power above. We have the power. We have the power, so can you."
- Theme song to He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword

a u g u s t  1 8 t h
"Does it make any sense for a person who is sick to make themselves up so they look good before going to the hospital?"
- Pastor Walter, on prayer

a u g u s t  1 7 t h
"Take Chemical X... you will become a powerful--and ethnically diverse--group of superheroes."
- Mojo Jojo, from Powerpuff Girls

a u g u s t  1 6 t h
"You ever heard of Guiluing? The scenery in Guiling is best in the world. We spent a month in Guiling...every night when we saw clear night, then we would say let's be careful tonight, meaning every clear night a Japanese bomber would come. We would have to run for cover."
- Dr. John Chang, on two years of his childhood

j u l y   3 1 s t
"Well, how does the extra hour feel?"
- some guy in my dream (then I woke up, and I had overslept by 58 minutes)

j u l y   3 0 t h
"Bad things come in threes."
- Sarah Irwin
"We don't pay for the food. We just get it.. and then... and then... we eat it."
- little camper girl, on the free lunch program

j u l y   2 9 t h
"The Eternal Calm... it's my two minutes, 46 seconds and Wakka's pudgy stomach."
- Yuna, FFX extended ending

j u l y   2 8 t h
"In China you receive censorship; that means you feel very painful…when you know something and you have to write something else. I prefer freedom for people to say what they want--no sense of guilt here."
- G. Bao, now in the U.S.

j u l y   2 7 t h
"Moly-moly-moly-moly-moly-moly!!!!!"
- Austin Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember

j u l y   2 6 t h
"Today was an adventure."
- Michelle Madigan

j u l y   2 5 t h
"No, I was wrong. I still need coffee."
- Michelle Leach, after bus nap

j u l y   2 4 t h
"Get Your Groove On"
- on HIV "risk prevention" package

j u l y   2 3 r d
"Timed 33 seconds over"
- computer-timed show length, Northwestern Headlines News, Segment Two

j u l y   2 2 n d
"I like your voice that sounded very attractive."
- Dad (wha???)

j u l y   2 1 s t
"Yeah, thousand year old egg! You eat that with stinky tofu!"
- Annie Chiou, to the dismay of all surrounding Koreans

j u l y   2 0 t h
"Tonight I'm going to party like it's 1999."
- Jeff Jhee, who did what he did in 1999 (play video games)

j u l y   1 9 t h
"Since you've been searching for its meaning for years and are no closer to finding the answer, the stars will help you: It's Spanish for "the crazy life."
- Aries horoscope, The Onion

j u l y   1 8 t h
"Thank you, and never come on our show again."
- Professor Angotti, after a horrible live shot exercise

j u l y   1 7 t h
"You heard that Janet's getting married, right?"
- Wailin Wong (answer: no)

j u l y   1 6 t h
"I'd give some to charity, maybe buy a house... a dog. What about you?"
- What Josh C. would do with $1 million (Sorry again, Josh.)

j u l y   1 5 t h
"Six million women in the U.S. currently use hormone replacement therapy, or HRT, to ease post-menopausal symptoms. But last Tuesday, the National Institutes of Health stopped a 161-thousand-woman study on the therapy. And scientists now warn that HRT can increase risk of breast cancer and heart disease. The warning had many Chicago women calling their gynecologists."
- repeated probably 40 times today during recording

j u l y   1 4 t h
"Throw your clothes on the floor. I'm gonna take my clothes off, too."
- lyrics that somehow captured a nation, from BoyzIIMen's "I'll Make Love To You"

j u l y   1 3 t h
"You guys had fun, yo? For rizzo?"
- the guy in the car with Jeff and Tony (likely the first QOTD I didn't witness)

j u l y   1 2 t h
"There's a new book, 'Judy Garland: The Day-by-Day Chronicle of a Legend.' And today, Mike Piazza held a press conference to deny he read it."
- Craig Kilborn

j u l y   1 1 t h
"Hot, blond, bitchy"
- Josh's girlfriend archetype

j u l y   1 0 t h
"I'd rather be leapfrogging with unicorns."
- (312)458-9650 (just dial it)

j u l y   9 t h
"Damn, shorty! Dog is pretending he's Ayy-ssian and sheeeit!" "That cracka is whiiiite!"
- 2 white guys, from Not Another Teen Movie

j u l y   8 t h
"Bet you didn't think that would go as well as it did, huh?"
- Prof. Doppelt, on "The Project That Went To Hell But Somehow Salvaged Itself"

j u l y   7 t h
"Do you hate your life right now?"
- Kamilah Duggins, amidst work on "The Project That Went To Hell"

j u l y   6 t h
"I haven't bitten it yet, I'm just sorta swishing it around in my mouth."
- Patrick Martin, regarding a fish eyeball

j u l y   5 t h
"I'm going to pass on yo ass."
- Tim Waclawski, during Class Struggle (a card game)

j u l y   4 t h
Katie: "Well how can you say you don't like it when you haven't even tried it?" Dave: "I've never eaten crap before, and I know I don't like that."
- Katie Garvey and David Choi, on skydiving

j u l y   3 r d
"Get...your...hands...off...him...you...darn...dirty...ape!"
- Buttercup, "The Powerpuff Girls Movie"

j u l y   2 n d
"Well, banter banter banter?"
- Brittany Abbate, first NNN show taping (I guess I also have the comment about the shape of the earpiece, but it's a little graphic)

j u l y   1 s t
"We went to see the final Korea soccer game next to City Hall [in Seoul]. It's sort of like Times Square at New Years Eve except worse because everyone is wearing red with shirts, and bandanas and flags, and they're all singing and chanting together. Then, there were all these Korean people with movie cameras who kept coming up to me and just filming me. Complete strangers would just walk up and stick their cameras in my face and just film me. Then, to top it off, the Korean TV network came over and had me sit with a group of Koreans and chant "Tae ha ming gook!!". Then they had me do it all by myself on national TV! Aiya....crazy Koreans....they act as if they have never seen a white person before."
- excerpt from The Journeys of Brian Fisher

j u n e   1 7 t h
"The universe and the observer exist as a pair. You can say that the universe is there only when there is an observer who can say, 'Yes, I see the universe there.' These small words -- it looks like it was here --for practical purposes it may not natter much, but for me as a human being, I do not know any sense in which I could claim that the universe is here in the absence of observers... I cannot imagine a consistent [definition] of everything that ignores consciousness. A recording device cannot play the role of the observer, because who will read what is written on this recording device? In the absence of observers , our universe is dead."
- - John Wheeler, scientist & dreamer, colleague of Albert Einstein and Niels Bohr, inventor of the term "black hole", 90

j u n e   7 t h
"Don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."
- James 4:4 (of course, friendship means "one who is attached" in this case, not "one who is friendly")

j u n e   6 t h
"You have the uncanny ability to--without a lisp--make anything sound gay."
- Jeff Jhee, to the PW

j u n e   5 t h
"What's wrooong?"
- Tony So (Jeff's least favorite line)

m a y   2 3 r d
"I think...Chandra Levy is still alive."
- Marcel

m a y   2 2 n d

-

m a y   2 1 s t
"Nnn...kay? Nnn...kay?"
- Alana Klein, doing an imitation (if you want to know who, ask me personally)

m a y   2 0 t h

-

m a y   1 9 t h

-

m a y   1 8 t h
"Around the survivors... a perimeter create."
- Yoda, Ep. II

m a y   1 7 t h

-

m a y   1 6 t h
"Party's over."
- Samuel L. Jackson, as Mace Windu in Ep. II

m a y   1 5 t h
"For such a visually oriented filmmaker, Lucas commits an unpardonable sin: He tells instead of shows. We don't see Anakin falling for Padme; we just hear him proclaiming his love over and over. We know Padme has succumbed not because we've been seduced along with her but because she finally tells him so."
- Mark Caro, Chicago Tribune

m a y   1 4 t h
"Why is it that all the people who find out about Clark's powers die at the end of every episode?"
- Jeff Jhee, Smallville commentary

m a y   1 3 t h
"I have the day off."
- Ivan Meyers, the Cal Ripken of the Northwestern News Network

m a y   1 2 t h
"103"
- first bowling score tonight

m a y   1 1 t h
"167"
- only bowling score tonight

m a y   1 0 t h
"Cheerleading is just dancing that has gone retarded."
- from Bring It On

m a y   9 t h
"Oops! Wheresa mesa manners? Excuse me, Master Obi-Wan. I completely forgot myself for a moment there. I have had to learn Diplodiaclect... speak it like a native now. Don't really see the point, actually, but members of the Senate seem to prefer it..."
- Jar Jar Binks, from the leaked Episode II script

m a y   8 t h

-

m a y   7 t h

-

m a y   6 t h
"First of all, spring has SIX letters, not three or four or five, but, count ‘em, SIX letters. Now, summer also has six letters, but since p comes alphabetically before u, spring therefore trumps summer as being a better season."
- Jason Bang, in Pectus Excavatus

m a r c h  7 t h
"You're meddling with powers you can't even comprehend."
- Marcus Brody, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

m a r c h  6 t h
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

m a r c h  5 t h
"The Last Name Lei is ranked number 14849 in the US, with a shared population of around 1,930 individuals."
- information from http://www.pdom.com

m a r c h  4 t h
"The way to write is powerfully, convincingly, evocatively."
- Roger Cohen, New York Times Foreign Editor

m a r c h  3 r d
"Bonya"
- Word of the day (don't ask)

m a r c h  2 n d
"then my hands got cold"
- Larry Hsu, stupid excuse for not coming out to play snow football with us

m a r c h  1 s t
"Hi Mom!"
- Said to Phil Yu by everyone at the HIS reunion party

f e b r u a r y  2 8 t h
"Why don't you do a story on [ethnic] hair?"
- Deborah, my lab instructor

f e b r u a r y  2 7 t h
"Time can never mend
The careless whispers, of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find"
- Careless Whisper, by George Michael

f e b r u a r y  2 6 t h
"bentley shmentley"
- Josh C. (Agreed.)

f e b r u a r y  2 5 t h
"hey~ i've honed my stalker skills on kpop boybands"
- Jane M. Lee, on how she knows so much about Apollo Anton Ohno

f e b r u a r y  2 4 t h
"I still think they should hire more hot Asian female professors. That's three minority slots they'd be filling!"
- Tim Waclawski

f e b r u a r y  2 3 r d
"Oooooohhh. Hehehe."
- Grandma Lei, after I wished her a happy 90th birthday (Grandpa, on the other hand, said, "I can't hear you!")

f e b r u a r y  2 2 n d
"Mario beat me! He always beats me! This time I become invincible... and he still beats me!"
- Bowser, King of the Koopas, from Paper Mario (yes it was one of those days)

f e b r u a r y  2 1 s t
"Are you writing in a diary?"
- Alana Klein (I sort of was, but ti was the conversation that follwed that was interesting)

f e b r u a r y  2 0 t h
"Never made it as a luge man..."
- Jimmy Fallon, SNL

f e b r u a r y  1 9 t h
"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Thinks, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it..."
- Cal student Angela's away message
"somebody citric acid me"
- NU student Larry's away message

f e b r u a r y  7 t h
"You! Who asked the question! Are you listening to me???"
- said to Eric by "Mean Lady," followed by rustling of papers

f e b r u a r y  6 t h
"Food whore boy"
- Eric Klein's nickname for today (term of endearment, mind you)

f e b r u a r y  5 t h
"Second reference, AP style."
- Todd Brown, and that was the end of that.