"Did you change the ESPN Insider password?"

"Did you change my Friendster profile?"

J: Owen and I

"And you have a chance to win tickets to Chicago's Northside professional baseball team."

J: AT&T DSL radio commercial line

"Is Chris there?"

"No, he's out studying."

"No, I mean Chris Benson"

J: Chris B., recounting a phone exchange between his roommate and his mom

"She can be my roommate."

J: Taty, on Tony's girlfriend

"I have had the young men sleep outside my hotel room door."

J: Monica Rial, on the Macross DVD commentary, about fanboys

"My sister says you should be a model."

J: Monica M.

"Wait, was that Superman or Batman?"

J: Dexter, forgetting which ride we were on

"Your pic is a little... awful."

J: Sun Young

"Do you still have $0.49 hamburgers?"

"Yes."

"I'll have four of them."

"Four what?"

J: Exchange at the McDonald's drive thru


""I thought we had one of those necrophiliac rules..."
O: Co-worker Brandi, who may have meant nepotism, though I'm not sure

mahkuross (2:53:57 PM): spent the last hour talking to some other guys
mahkuross (2:53:59 PM): wasting time
mahkuross (2:54:00 PM): hehehe
Tamehome (2:54:04 PM): hehe
Tamehome (2:54:13 PM): should be [talking] to some other girls...
Tamehome (2:54:24 PM): talking to other guys there is a waste, haha

J: More chat madness

"It's like the World Cup, but with better shoes!"

J: Tony, telling me what the announcer said at the Miss Universe competition

"I'm bad luck."

J: Rhonda

"When you read something, you hear it, so you're reading and hearing it."

J: Jason, on why typing "jaj" is worse than saying it

"Three minutes, forty-four seconds."

O: Photojournalist Steve, on how long my story was (my live intro and tags were WAAAAAAAAYYYY too long)

"If I look old and decrepit, it's because I am."

J: Sign for Siberian Tiger exhibit in Henry Doorly Zoo

J: Owen said something amusing, but I'm not posting it

"Jeff, you know what this means?" "...?" "Prayer works."

O: What Jeff didn't want to post

"Confucius say: lovers in triangle, not on square."

J: Owen's fortune (interpretation pending)

"Why are you taking so long?... Don't go to Nebraska, it sucks... Why was I there? Because of your mom... No, you have a good one."

J: Obnoxious (drunk?) lady behind me in the ATM line

"Everyone's getting married on October 7th."

J: Andy, at Vicky's B-day dinner

"Classical music doesn't really make good workout music."

J: Tony

"If I call an iso-'Bionic Woman,' that'll mean 'Jeff.'"

"If I call an iso-'George,' that'll mean 'Jeff.'"

J: Phil, then Dave, from summer league

We're back!

J: Finally

"Good chance you'll die tonight..."
"Tune in tonight, or you might die."

- John Campbell, on potential 10pm show promo lines.

"What's the name of that chick who wanted you? Jenny Phoenix?"

J: Venkat, who either had Chinatown or X-Men on his mind

"Houdini!"

J: Toast of the night

"I like the Sox more because I know too many douchebag Cubs fans."

J: Out-of-towner Jon R.

DaVinci Chode.

Starring Tom Wanks.

J: The Adult video version of DaVinci Code

"Say my name!"

"Margaret? Judy? Roger?"

J: Line from Robot Chicken, parodying Golden Girls

"That was like a big circle of 'what-the-hell?'"

O: Mike Richard

Me: "Does being police chief make you morbid?"

Chief Stacey: "No, just objective."

O: Chief Stacey, after a half-joking pessimistic reply to a question

"Just because I'm a cannibal doesn't mean I'm a murderer."

O: Jeff

Jiggle

J: Verb of the day

"This is not how medicine should be."

J: Neha P., mocking the dean and the Rush slogan

"Amazing, though, that the fire only burned his eyes."

J: Owen, regarding a K-pop video (sentiment shared by Tony and me)

"I need you to find me the number for Empire Carpet."

J: Dad (feel free to sing the answer)

"Did you know that Strong Bad looks like the spinomedullary junction?"

J: Josh G., (and in the words of Homestar Runner, "It's true.")

"and if i learned anything from anime, nerdy boys love forward girls"

O: Jeff

"The West Wing presents a presidential fantasy-level utopia. 24 does the opposite: It converts the office into a fantasy dystopia."

O: Syracuse University media professor Robert Thompson

"Why would a [crossover] between... be good at martial arts?"

J: Worst joke I've made in a very long time (and I tell bad jokes often)

"Hoes Hootin' and Hollerin' at Sexy So"

J: Fake Mainichi Shimbum headline

J: Insert Chris Kaman/Reggie Evans joke here

"Invented love so you could be/Infatuated just with me."
- Fuel praise song

"What were you doing, making out?"

J: Anna C., speculating on my injury

"I got it."

J: Often ignored words during the softball tournament

"Guess who?"

"A.J. Pierzynski."

J: Wayne Larivee and Johnny "Red" Kerr, on Andres Nocioni

27-14

J: Estimated score of last night's softball game my team lost

The Warriors' Jason Richardson has confirmed that it hurts to dunk. Said Richardson: "When you dunk it hard and come down screaming, `Ahhhhh,' everybody gets into it. But you're really screaming, `Ahhhhh, my arm!'

J: Sam Smith column

"Looks like you had lot's of communication problems."

J: Brian Y.

"Never again will I talk about HONK HONK!"

J: Owen's promise, cut off by the Coors Light truck

TIE

"Dog, I respect you."

J: Random fellow on the el, to me

"I like your tie."

J: Five different people

"Arjun would be their punishment."

J: Anthony So, expressing distaste for the softball t-shirt design

"Did you throw up? Oh, you threw down."

O: Jeff

"When did I say that?"

J: Tony, the liar

"What's her name? Roger Park? Rosa Parks?"

J: Venkat

"It's spelled C-H-A-N-G."

J: Ben's advice for note writing.

Crick crick crick

J: Sound of my shaking my head

J: Jon K. and Michelle T., with the worst t-shirt idea ever.
(It's too crappy to quote)

"If you pinch my right nipple, I'm going to say, 'ouch.' If I pinch your right nipple, you're going to say 'ouch.' A foul is a foul and a flagrant is a flagrant."

J: Shaq, interpreting how the fouls committed against him should be called

"And golddigging fans with bleach-blonde seductions,
Paternity Suits in every city,
Courtside in the paint, fade away in your face,
Courtside in the paint, fade away in your face..."

J: Dirk Nowitzki's "Courtside".

"Let's stay."

J: Joe's decision to wait out what turned out to be a 2 hr, 57 minute rain delay. Sox won, 10-4

"Remember the five minute rule in college?"

J: Many classmates, after the Immunology professor never showed

"One... two... three strikes, you're out!"

J: M. Bison's horrible dialogue changes made for the American Street Fighter II Animated Movie

"Sarsparilla"

J: Type of Taiwanese beverage

"Fools aren't born, Pongo. Pretty girls make them in their spare time."

-Owen, quoting something

Whiff and thud!

J: Simultaneous sounds of a swing and miss and a batting practice baseball hitting the backstop

"What's it called?"

"Inion."

"In Korean, ee-nyun is a bad thing to call a girl."

J: Taty, I, and Dad, respectively

"Beware the Ides of March!"

J: Soothsayer from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

J: Take your pick...

"We have biochem today, right?"
- Pete L., asking what exam we had today

"Leonardo's a pussy."
- Samad S., on his least favorite Ninja Turtle

"[Soundwave's] outdated now."
- Yasir K., noting that nobody has tape players anymore.

"Cobra la la la la la la la la la!"
- Samad and I

"Women make you retarded."

J: M2's, teaching us about Fragile X Syndrome

"Tell me your screen name isn't 'smegma.' That better be your friend's."

"But it's not really 'smegma.' It's actually 'S-M-3-G-M-A."

J: Caelan J. and I

"How about Kathy Bates?"

J: Thomas W.'s suggestion for doing the voiceover for audio flashcards

"I'm not trying to destroy anyone."

J: Author of the upcoming book on Bonds' steroid use

"I want to become a physician because I don't want to live a monogamous lifestyle."

"What's the name of the process in which male gametes are created? Spermatogeniuses."

"When body temperature rises, estrogen is formed..."

J: Quotes shared with us today in Physiology

"Um. Uh."

J: Most quoted words from today's Physio class

“Not only will we win, but also we’ll make Japanese baseball fans feel that they saw a truly great game. I want to make [Korea and Taiwan] see that they will not be able to beat Japan in the next 30 years.”

J: Ichiro Suzuki, through translator (Korea beat Japan this morning, 3-2)

so (Korean) = vaca (Spanish) = homonym of baka (Japanese) = idiot

J: 6 degrees of evidence that Tony's stupid

"We'll take a vote."

J: Dr. Cole

"That's still no excuse for gluttony."

J: Tony

"You're wearing an undershirt!"

J: Two people I haven't seen since 12/16/05

"I'm such a whore..."

O: Jeff

"I'm such a woman!"

J: Pete L., in front of Allison M. and Monica M., after missing a layup

Jenny K: Jeff's really popular with the ladies.
Chris B: Yeah, I know.

J: Liars!

"What other gay things can we do?"

- Owen, about his day in Des Moines

"Do you speak English?"

J: Lady, to me and Samad

"You can't spit on a smiling face."

J: Some Korean woman's BS motto

"But you still have to work out [if you use steroids]. You should know."

J: Brian C., to me

"I have pantyhose that old!"

O: Sheila, a person I met at church, on my age.

"Most of these games suck."

J: Gamestop employee, pointing to biggest wall in the store

"We've seen you."

J: Dr. Michael, noting his awareness of sleep deprivation during exams

"That's the best part of discovering proteins. You get to name them, like Sonic Hedgehog protein."

J: Dr. Knudson

"The best part was when one of them started speaking in tongues."

J: Joe, about fellow train passengers

"You must've been a ninja in a past life."

J: Michelle T.

"Do you remember Two Scoops?"

J: Steve L., talking American Gladiators (Of course I do!)

"And he didn't even spell 'Alderaan' correctly!"

J: Comment about Physio Practice Test question

On nasty ho.

J: Anagram for "Anthony So"

"[Your body] is more like a teepee [than a temple]."

J: Bryan R., to Ajay Y.

"There are no consequences for being a dumbass!"

J: Kevin N.

"That's illegal. I'll call the cops on them. It's just not cool."

J: David Y.'s feelings on the Biochemistry final

"There are far worse things to dream about than..."

O: Jeff

"So tonight you're going to watch Superman and read Netter."

J: Vishal K., guessing what's on tap for tonight's agenda

"You will make out with your crush at a bar, and Ajay will see you."

J: Brad H.'s fortune, c/o Michelle T. and Caelan J.

"I'm Eastern European... but Eastern Europeans, compared to African and Asian Americans, are wimps."

J: Dr. Marschke, regarding patients' dealing with pain

"Yay!"

J: Ankur and I, after I ended a streak of 8 straight missed jumpers

SM3 gma (6:18:42 PM): what i wouldn't give for an x10 in sam's apt right now

J: Nosy Tony

J: Take your pick from 40 Year Old Virgin

"You know how I know you're gay"
"How?"
"You like Coldplay."

"Oh, so you wrote 'Hoe fo' sho'?"
"Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a hoe, for sho."

"Smoke my pole."

"Yooooooow! Kelly Clarkson!"

"Life is about people. It's about connections..."

"Your body is a work of art."

J: Yasir

"Jeff Omo. Jeff Longhead... That's not what I meant."

J: Dr. Williams

"Chuck Norris appeared in the Street Fighter II video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this 'glitch,' Norris replied, 'That's no glitch.'"

Yasir: Oh Shari, you came and you gave me a turkey...
Jeff: On my vacation away from worky

Later, in a totally unrelated incident...

Owen: Oh Jeff Jhee, you came and you gave me a turkey...

"The probably with money is once you have it, it's no longer motivation."

J: Bode Miller, in a 60 Minutes interview

"Club sandwiches, not baby seals."

O: Sign on side of truck or bus



Jason: You know who else I wonder whatever happened to?

Jeff: Who?

Jason: Jin.

Jeff: ... I think he's still in Evanston.

Jason: Hey Jin!

"That's how rumors get started."

J: Caelan J.

"I still think we're the better team."

J: Matt Leinart, not two minutes after USC's 41-38 loss in the BCS Championship game

Jeff: I think attendance is going to drop by 40% tomorrow.
Caelan J: I think attendance dropped 40% by the second hour

"Help me Leon! Heeeelp!"

J: Ashley, Resident Evil 4, the reason I haven't updated QOTD regularly as of late

Worst kicker ever

J: Shared sentiment among many NU students and alumni after today

Owensesame: You look like Lakitu
MahKuRoss: That might be... sniff... the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me

J: Sarcastic chat

"Don't worry. If there's a problem, I'll take the fall."

J: Lady at Gamestop, after she overcredited my card for returning games

"Buy 3 pre-played games or DVD's, get one free."

J: Gamestop salesman; I bit hook, line, and sinker

"It could be pleasant."

O: I-Ming Shiou, on Eric Cheung's Organ of Specialty

Merry Smegmas, I mean, Merry Christmas

"I'd rather sing than dance because dancing is, like, retarded."

J: My cousin J.C., 13

"I'm a food!"

O: Gina Oka, on a special sushi roll made for her

"Man, were you wearing axe or something?"

J: Jeff L., curious about last Friday

"Hey, I got into Notre Dame."

J: Congwatuwation, Tony

"Closed on Wednesdays"

J: Sign on Tofu House, after Tony and I made 4 wrong turns along the way to get there

"What's a Bio-Noid?"

J: Ryu Hayabusa, Ninja Gaiden III (Also a line from my first website)

"That's so Brokeback!"

J: Tony and I, ripping off a quote of Keith's

"I remember [Dude]. Tim remembers [Dude]."

J: Ben W.

"We'd be happier if you took your shirt off."

J: Tam, to me (no you wouldn't...)

"I like your shirt."

J: Many people, regarding my homemade t-shirt

"I think Jeff's sexually frustrated."

J: Jenny K., loudly and out of the blue

"[Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck]."

J: Elderly man at Polk Street stop, randomly making chicken sounds

"Koreans use metal chopsticks, so I think we have good micromanipulation skills."

J: Woo Suk Hwang, leader of Korean cloning team (courtesy of Time magazine)

Phil: It hasn't been green-lit yet, but it looks like it's gonna happen. Hayden Christensen's committed to it.
Bluff: From Darth Vader to Phil Hellmuth. He's in danger of getting typecast …

J: Phil Hellmuth interview on Bluff magazine (courtesy of ESPN.com)

"Winners don't use drugs."

J: Universal arcade game message from William S. Sessions I put on the first slide of a Powerpoint file

"Just buy a Hustler."

J: Jon C.'s advice for seeing intact genitalia before the Anatomy final

Stop calling the White sox the "sox", thats the Red Sox's nickname. Call the Red Sox the "Sox", because you guys copied our name in first place.

(and the reply)

Might want to do some research before you sound like a complete dumba$$. The red sox were known as the Boston Americans from 1901-1907 then became the red sox in 1908. The REAL sox franchise started as the white stockings in 1901 and in 1904 changed their name to the White Sox, so actually you stole our name. Loser

http://baseball-almanac.com/teammenu.shtml

J: From the ESPN Baseball Messageboards (I need more real life interaction...)

MahKuRoss (9:16:28 PM): there was a short time i didn't like saying "joy yee's"
SM3 gma (9:16:46 PM): due to its resemblance to 'boyee'??
MahKuRoss (9:16:53 PM): no
SM3 gma (9:17:20 PM): y?
MahKuRoss (9:18:43 PM): i think owen confused "joy yee" and some other name and created the longest running misnomer in the lexicon on jaj
SM3 gma (9:19:39 PM): HAH!!!

J: More dumb chat stuff (Mimi would be so pissed at me...)

"I should call you 'The Cat.'"

J: Dr. Williams, to me, about my table-jumping abilities

Muscle Dysmorphia

J: Term of the day, and no, I don't have it

"Hey, you guys realize that when you get married [dramatic pause], you become someone's wife."

J: Deep Thoughts, by Caelan J.

"I know a man who suggested honeymooning in Peoria."

J: James and Sons radio commercial

"The Spano-Germanic term for that kind of celebration is machoschadenfreude. Year after year, the old '72 Dolphins celebrate another team's loss, which means they'll always be legendary -- as the most insecure great team in pro sports history."

J: Jeff Merron article

"Talk to honorable hand, honorable face ain't ristening."

J: Ling-Ling, from Drawn Together

"Super Jhee."

J: Brian W's description of the routers we bought

"Jeff..."

J: Request for prayer leader for Thanksgiving dinner

"Jim Thome is going to your team."

J: My dad, informing me of the Jim Thome/Aaron Rowand trade over the phone

"A fortune teller told Sunyoung to beware my mom. She was right."

J: Mr. Train

"What's better than an IVF, GIFT, or ZIFT baby? Having many babies."

J: Rush Hospital video on infertility treatments

"I bought her shots so that I wouldn't have to dance with her."

J: Jenny K., about Anna C., recalling 10/21/05

"They have too many brown (South Asian) players to be in this game."

J: Samad, about the UIC M1 team (we won 21-14)

J: Too many quotes to pick on this first day of pelvic dissections.

"And so ends the journey of spermatozoa... Carry on, you harbingers of life."

J: "The Saga of Spermatozoa," read to us in Histology class

"Every Filipino guy I knew in college was gay."

J: Jess H.

SM3 gma (9:08:51 PM): turns out that korean jap i've been chatting with
SM3 gma (9:08:57 PM): her last name is . . .
SM3 gma (9:09:03 PM): guess
MahKuRoss (9:09:05 PM): kim?
SM3 gma (9:09:15 PM): nope
MahKuRoss (9:09:18 PM): lee?
MahKuRoss (9:09:20 PM): park?
SM3 gma (9:09:23 PM): no
SM3 gma (9:09:24 PM): no
MahKuRoss (9:09:27 PM): jhee?
MahKuRoss (9:09:30 PM): so?
SM3 gma (9:09:31 PM): no
MahKuRoss (9:09:31 PM): bang?
SM3 gma (9:09:32 PM): yes
SM3 gma (9:09:33 PM): no

J: Tony

"You can't do a pelvic thrust without your psoas muscle."

J: Kevin N.

"You know what I've discovered since I've been at college? I'm all about ultimate frisbee."

J: Stewie, from Family Guy (by way of Joe)

"Wow, a 13 hour sale on denim, and yesterday, I dissected a testicle. This is the best weekend of my life."

"You could have a date..."

J: My sister and I

MahKuRoss (1:30:04 AM): BOOO!!!
o wensesame (1:30:21 AM): i'm actually surprised it took you that long

J: More stupid late night chat

"Samad has a really good body."

"Yeah, and his cadaver isn't bad, either."

J: Yasir and I, during anatomy lab

Dr. Williams: "Who's the biggest geek in your class?"

Class: "Yasir! Yasir!"

"You can keep on drinking, if you want to go to jail."

J: Bar worker, to Shari, after someone cleared the bar by shooting pepper spray

"I guess that makes him Shemp."

J: Tony, about Owen, regarding the "Three Stooges" comment this past weekend

"You should specialize in something that makes you worth hanging out with you. If you pick something like proctology, I should kick your ass."

J: Alex K.

"You look like an Asian 50 Cent."

J: Keith, not the first person to tell me that

"Salt. Sugar. Sex. The deeper you go, the better it gets."

J: Dr. Kerns' mnemonic for remembering the function of cortex layer of the adrenal gland

"Of course he's Filipino. Notice the speed."

J: Chris B.

SM3 gma (10:37:26 PM): hamill explains, 'if you do it once or twice, it's either in bad taste or not funny, but if you do thirty-five of them, you're rolling on the ground'
SM3 gma (10:37:44 PM): u can see how i agree w/that statement...

J: Tony, trying to justify a 5 and a half year old joke

"Less-efficient aldehyde dehydrogenase in Asians (single gene mutation): May help to explain rarity of alcoholism in Asians, high prevalence of 'red-faced Asians' at TGIF."

J: My Preventive Medicine syllabus, obviously not written by someone who visited Korea

"Trick or treat!"

J: C'mon, it's Halloween...

MahKuRoss (12:22:25 AM): i guess we all have a little tony in us
SM3 gma (12:24:01 AM): eh??
SM3 gma (12:24:10 AM): "He's in my behind!"

J: A couple of idiots chatting late at night

"The rectal sphincter is the smartest muscle in the body."

J: Dr. Kerns

"Okay, you're done."

J: My preceptor, after only 70 minutes for a 4-hour block

"Here's the 1-2 pitch to Palmeiro... a ground ball, past Jenks, up the middle of the infield, Uribe has it, he throws... OUT! OUT! A White Sox winner, and a World Championship! The White Sox have won the World Series!"

J: John Rooney, calling his final game as the radio voice of the White Sox

"Why is your Superman shirt purple and yellow?"

"Oh, you know, Lakers..."

J: Owen, coming up with explanations for his Bizarro #1 t-shirt

"Oh my gosh..."

"No way..."

J: Brian Anderson, and then Aaron Rowand, as Scott Podsednik hit a walk off HR off Brad Lidge

"You wouldn't have liked that Venkat."

J: Venkat "Rickey Henderson" S.

"You're a good dancer."

J: Drunk Anna C., to me

Malchir99 (10:15:58 PM): i guess i m bi-sox-ual

J: Venkat, declaring his love for both Chicago MLB teams

"Just a smalltown girl, living in a lonely world, took the midnight train something something something..."

J: Owen and I, trying to recall lyrics to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"

SM3 gma (7:03:01 PM): actually, it'd be funny if she doesn't live up to expectations
SM3 gma (7:03:18 PM): in the sense that nike will have screwed itself

O: Tony, on Michelle Wie

"Here's the swing, and it's a ground ball to first. Konerko has it! Konerko steps on the bag! The White Sox have won the pennant!"

J: John Rooney, White Sox radio broadcaster

"And now I have a successful career as a broadcast journalist, and I make my parents proud every time they see me on TV."

"So go and get your GED."

O: Radio commercial

MahKuRoss (12:37:03 AM): what do you call it when an old woman and a young man have a relationship?
SM3 gma (12:37:58 AM): sounds like my relationship

- Tony and Jeff

"He struck him out. The ball is in the dirt. Pierzynski is running. The ball is rolled to the mound. Pierzynski's still running. What's the story?"

J: Jon Miller, on tonight's mayhem in the ALCS

"You get volunteered for a lot of things."

J: Josh G.

"While as many as 10,000 foreigners legally teach the language at private English schools in Korea, the nation's media have been full of exposés about teachers with dubious credentials. "

J: The Globe and Mail, in a story about Canadian teachers

"And that's a White Sox winner!"

J: John Rooney, White Sox radio broadcaster

"I don't want your life."

J: Colin B., mocking a line from Varsity Blues

"Nobody should feel forced to expose themselves, except Jeff."

J: Dr. O'Brien

"Just put a brown paper bag over her head."

J: Jason

"We found a set of keys upstairs. Palpate your pockets."

J: Dr. Jacobs, anatomy professor

"You are the Anatomy god for today."

J: Dr. Williams, to me

"It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy' but knows 'onomatopoeia."

O: Sam Seaborn, The West Wing

"Don't come to the game next Saturday."

J: "Anonymous" note thrown to me in Physiology class

"Life is a sexually-transmitted, uniformly fatal condition."

J: Dr. Elliot

SM3 gma (11:38:53 PM): i mentioned there's another ex in nyc too?
MahKuRoss (11:39:12 PM): no
MahKuRoss (11:39:19 PM): how many ex's do you have?

J: Tony and I

"If he were a computer, he'd want to hit Control-Alt-Delete... His [quarterback] rating hasn't quite hit his number [18]."

J: Randy Cross, on Kyle Orton

"So many ladies, you couldn't count. Even with calculus."

J: Goose

"Don't do that. Act like you know people."

O: Annie Petersen

"Looks like you won't be kissing anyone tonight."

J: Some lady in the cafeteria

o wensesame (12:32:40 AM): i heard something about hot korean girls and had to join
MahKuRoss (12:33:01 AM): venkat's hot
MahKuRoss (12:33:03 AM): tony's korean
MahKuRoss (12:33:05 AM): and i'm a girl

- Chatroom madness

"I've got 'Saving Private Ryan.' Will's the one with 'Shaving Ryan's Privates.'"

O: Rick Devereaux

"I would [beep] her [beep] in front of her mom... Why aren't you looking? Are you gay or something?"

J: Man, to me, at the El stop

"If David Ortiz was Korean, his name would be Wok Off."

J: Reader of Bill Simmons' column on ESPN.com's Page Two (That's not Korean!)

"'I hate Hawkgirl' bulletin boards..."

J: Batman, Justice League Unlimited

Anime Clubbing

- Phrase of the Day

"We're going to kick your asses."

J: Guy on other IM football team (we won by two touchdowns)

"It might take until Tuesday..."

J: Prof. James Williams, rambling

"I've been to four Cubs games this year, and Derrek Lee was 1 for 15 in them."

J: Travis Y.

"I dug through rocks, I worked in holes, and I walked through sh**, and I ain't never smelled anything that bad."

O: New Orleans evacuee I interviewed today

"It looked like you got pied in the face, and the ground was the pie."

J: Jeff Jhee, to J-Liu

"High school! Callahan!"

J: Team Micro Machine, at the Chicago Heavyweight Ultimate Tournament

"You're supposed to show your jewels."

J: Mom, to Joe (not what you think it means!)

"I'm so disappointed. There aren't any hotties here. Admit it, you were thinking the same thing."

J: Jenny K.

"I got turned down by Rush. I ended up going to school 8 miles down the street at University of Chicago."

J: Speaker at today's orientation

"I love Donovan [McNabb]."

J: Terrell Owens

"You'll like this. I lost my wallet in a cab."

- Owen, to Jeff ("Like"?)

Lei Ji

J: Name of student featured in Tommy Lee Goes to College

"[Jake's] totally showing you up."

O: My cousin Winnie, about my 9 year old nephew

"So fun. So fresh. So Tony."

J: Billboard ad for the Tony Danza show

"You've come to a place where the Asian women date white men, and the Asian men date other Asian men."

O: Chhay Tea, on San Francisco

"At Valley Lakes Country Club, in Chillicothe."

J: Chris Benson, telling me where he plays Texas Hold'em

4.75

J: My 40 yard dash time, in seconds (yuck!)

"Formatting C drive"

J: My computer, which actually formatted the external hard drive and wiped out all backups

"Don't squint when you lift. You know why? Crow's feet."

J: Man, to me, in weight room

"... Just in case you wanted to know."

O: Sonya Koo

"Since when did I become your internet bitch?"

- Jeff, to Owen

"Hell, I work with you, I don't even know what your power is. Green?! Green's not a power, green's a color!"

J: Superman, Losing Lois Lane (still funny one year later)

"Mine says 'Owen'."

O: Rebecca, about the alleged tattoo on her back

"No puppet sex tonight."

O: Iris and Kevin

"I'm glad you couldn't get it off."

J: Nare, to Brian, after he and I and 5 other people couldn't remove a flat tire

"In reality, none of us wants to be rich; what we want is to be richer than other folks."

O: from Popular Science article, mentioning a psych study that shows people aren't happy with a big raise if their neighbor ends up with a bigger raise.

"I want some network dick."

O: Jessica, at dinner

Here's a tip I never used: I understand you can learn a great deal about girldom by reading Pride and Prejudice, and I own a copy, but I have never read it. I tried. It was given to me by a girl with a little note inside that read: What is in this book is the heart of a woman. I am sure the heart of a woman is pure and lovely, but the first chapter of said heart is hopelessly boring. Nobody dies at all. I keep the book on my shelf because girls come into my room, sit on my couch, and eye the books on the adjacent shelf. You have a copy of Pride and Prejudice, they exclaim in a gentle sigh and smile. Yes, I say. Yes, I do.

- Don Miller, from Blue Like Jazz

"If Charlton Heston is the greatest over-actor of our generation, then the worst over-actor of our generation must be Vince McMahon."

- Jeff Jhee

"He said 'If we can't find anything to do, we'll go eat dog.'"

- Tony, on Jeff and his recent trip to Korea

"I'm sorry about the f***ing flowers! You're going to be reading about this breakup in People magazine!"

- Toan Lam, voicemail

"Heathen-toward tendencies"

- Sonya Koo

"But just remember, you're making a difference. or something."

- encouraging words from Derek Wing

"Oh no. World Famous Monkey Boy, if you believe his jersey."

- Jeff Lasky

Me: "How old were you when you finally said, 'Hey, I'm an adult!'"
Mom: (1 second pause) "49."

RoJheeO

- word of the day

"You know, you're standing on my dog."

- woman from today's story, to my photographer, standing on a ritually arranged pile of bricks.

"INTERCEPTOR"

- written on back of parking enforcement golf cart

o W E n SesAMe : high school movies always remind me of what a nerd i am
MahKuRoss : every movie reminds me of what a nerd i am

- Owen, Jeff

"I'm really good at prostate exams.... I have long fingers."

- Sonya (EW.)

"You need a retreat of silence.... Just don't fall asleep."

- Josh Tao

"In the future, there are Asians in space... and they are boring."

- Minsoo (from "Angryasianman.com")

"Don't even get me started about you complete and total disregard for the comma. You hurt the comma's feelings. I think you missed about 30 of them in the paragraph."

- Aarons, Jared (and yes, he did write that "you")

"Don't you think the guy who comes up with the Carl's Jr. burgers must be the fattest guy in the world? ... Hey Steve, there's gotta be something else we can put on this burger.... fish sticks, calamari..."

- Chris, guy at my station

"Commitment"

- name choice for my future daughter.

"It great to get to see you one last time."

- Toan

"Rummikub"

- word of the day

""

""

"Fastest live shot I ever done."

- Rob

"Well, you can take that off your list of things to do before you die."

- Ely Shih

"Owen Lei, going above and beyond the call of duty."

- John White, after seeing me get hit by a police taser

Bob: "How can you say that? You're the funniest comedian in the world."
Jack: "I stand corrected."

- Bob Hope, Jack Benny

"It's like my old friend used to call it.. an 'Oh my God Mabel' moment... as in 'Oh my God, Mabel, git in here and take a look at this!'"

- Leslie

...
- my cat, who did nothing to warn me about the 4.3 earthquake tonight

"State of spiritual warfare"

- phrase of the day, Jonathan Choe

"There are some really intense people that watch this show (chuckles), and they'll scare you to your car.... and I mean that in a really endearing, positive, way."

- Kiefer Sutherland (24 premiere tonight!)

"Can you imagine? She'd be saying 'wrap, wrap!' .... then I pull my IFB out... then I'm in control!"

- George Kiriyama

"Heh, I was playing ball today (as you know), and some guy says, 'Oh great, give me the quick Chinese guy... And someone says, 'you're racist.' And he says, "I'm not racist, he's just quick."

- Jeff Jhee (not Chinese)

"Thanks again to the people who made this meal... uh... Owen Lei. Amen."

- Me

"So what did you do for New Year's?"

- Tony So (Answer: I worked)